“A waste of time.”

I can assure you, I felt the same way. Working on myself just wasn’t the same as putting the same amount of time towards others. Every day, I would write out a long list of to-dos, and I would come last, sometimes not at all. It was a waste of time.

Reallocating the slightest bit more of my energy towards this task was never something I associated with growth. My definition of growth stood at the finish line, instead of the race itself. The outcome, rather than the process. Performing better, achieving more, and reaching higher. It was not until this became the ultimate obstacle for growth, that I began to see value in the process.

It was unfamiliar, to say the least. Like learning when to stop working and knowing when to go to sleep. Remembering that it wouldn’t be the end of the world if I ate bread that wasn’t whole wheat, rye, or 12-grain. I would still perform just as well out there on the ice and on the field. Sometimes, it was simply giving myself enough time to reflect on how far I had come.

I came to the realization that what makes me who I am, my personality, my values, my actions, is the most precious thing I will come across in my lifetime. I should never have negotiated the price of my livelihood.

This year will be the year I untangle my bad habit of putting myself last. The greatest use of time, is the time I invest in my growth. Sometimes this growth isn’t something that I will be able to touch, but surely, it is something I will be able to feel.

Here’s to a new year: 2021.